Prenatal depression and feel alone
I'm dealing with prenatal depression and waiting on counselling but I feel like I've lost my friends since dealing with it. My SO doesn't really understand. He's here for me but sometimes he's not if I ask him to speak to me differently or if I talk about things that I feel unhappy about that he does so I just hold them in and say nothing. I also don't want my friends to know about our problems at home.
Recently it's been situational like my aunt and sister bad mouthing me because I'm pregnant and saying I'm incapable of taking care of a baby or going through childbirth because Ive experienced chronic nerve pain for over 4 years and counting and there's no signs of it going away.
Then my friend is getting angry at me for not hanging out with her when I've been in a lot of pain and I'm 30 weeks pregnant with super swollen legs and ankles. She asked me last minute to hang out on Father's Day and when I said I want to spend time with my dad she said "there's always something.." and then told me "if you're always in pain then maybe we shouldn't bother making plans to hang out". I explained myself to her and all she said was "I'm not fighting". So I left it alone because I just feel depressed and don't have the ability to cope with the stress as well.
I wanted to talk to another friend who I always talk to and help with her problems when she needs it and I just told her I'm having issues with my other friend and I'm not sure how to deal with it and she said "talk to your doctor or a counsellor because I don't have the emotional energy to deal with that."
I feel really alone and now it's becoming sadness for no reason, not wanting to do anything but distract myself with YouTube videos, it took me forever just to finally take a shower and get dressed into an outfit other than my PJs. I think about suicide a lot and sometimes I punch myself in the face because I either feel numb or extremely sad. Yoga used to be my coping mechanism and I have trouble just getting myself on the mat. I'm gaining weight and feeling more depressed about that.
I don't want to hang out or talk to anyone about it because I feel like a burden and the friend who said she can't deal with talking to me about what I'm going through has been going out with other friends and having such a good time and sometimes I feel jealous because I wish I could do the same without feeling so down. I feel like I only have this app to express myself.
It's really hard to deal with this. I feel like I am isolating myself.
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