So my husband and I had a miscarriage three years ago. We had just started dating and I couldn't believe I was pregnant; I was so excited because I've always wanted to be a mother and it was with someone I knew even then was going to be "the one". I was also terrified and worried about what everyone would think. A few weeks later I lost the baby. I was devastated. I felt like I was a failure as a mother; the one thing my body is designed to do is to keep that little life safe and I failed. We both were heartbroken. A year and a half later we got matching tattoos. We decided to wait until wedding planning was over to start trying, now we're married and I even picked out date around my ovulation week; it's been killing me to wait this long and the past few years have been filled with friends and family getting pregnant either by "accident" or even on purpose and it kills me every time I see another announcement. Now I'm scared to start trying. I'm scared for that first period to come that I'm praying won't. Or I'm scared it won't come but I'll miscarry again. I don't know if I can survive that. I just want to be pregnant. I want to be a mother. Getting pregnant now will never ever fill the void in my heart for our first baby; but being an empty armed mother is killing me and I can't keep living like this. I feel like a crazy person. Everyone keeps saying it'll happen when it's meant to be or in God's timing and I DO believe that but reminding me doesn't help me. It hurts more. It makes me feel stupid for feeling this way. For feeling hurt and empty. I guess I'm just asking for prayers. I'm so scared yet so excited. We just want our rainbow baby. We released a lantern at our wedding for our angel, we also have matching tattoos. I just ask for prayers for healing in our hearts and prayers that God will answer our cries. 🌈❤️