Secondary infertility
What am I supposed to do!?!?!?!? Just pretend that I haven't been trying to have my second child for 4 years? Just pretend that because I have a child already that I'm complete? That my daughter is an only child and I'm okay with her being unhappy, bored, and always asking for someone to play?? Why do I have to be happy for everyone else and hide my struggle to protect their feeling? When do mine matter?!?!? I'm miserable and I have to pretend every day that I'm okay. I hate it! I'm dying inside, why doesn't that matter? My husband and I have been married for almost two years and we've been together for almost 5 years. I have one child from a previous relationship and we haven't had any luck conceiving our entire relationship. I felt like I was strong, like I had been handling it like a champ. However, the past few months have really gotten to me. I never thought I would have this issue. I always told myself that I wanted two kids, a boy and a girl and that was it. That was my idea of perfection and happiness. Now every time I "try" I am losing hope. Eveytime my period comes, I cry I wish I could hide in a hole and I wonder why. I've been told I have ovarian cysts and my periods have changed since having my daughter. Hell I've changed since having my daughter period. I've been very good about being happy for the other women, especially those in my family. When is it my turn? When will other women have to care about how I feel? They don't have to be sensitive to how it's making me feel?
I want nothing more to have another baby. It kills me seeing other pregnant women and babies. My husband try's to be supportive but he doesn't understand. Month after month, disappointment. It's just so heartbreaking and I hate that I feel so alone even though I'm not. I want to know what is going on. It's stupid but I always wonder what I did wrong. Could I have done something differently after my daughter. Did I miss something? Most of the time I'm okay, but there are those days were it eats me from the inside out! ☹️ I'm sorry I just needed that out! ❤️
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