I've been wanting to talk about this for a while now. A couple years ago right before the start of my junior year i met a guy through some friends. Those friends and I went out drinking with that guy one night and he ended up renting a motel room and buying all the alcohol. At the time I was a virgin to so many things besides just sex. I'd never gone out drinking. Never lied to my parents about where I was staying or who I was with or what I was doing. I'd never even made out with a guy and I guess at some point in the night I said to them "I wanna make out" and I guess he mistook as consent to have sex with me. Now I barely remember this night seeing as it was 4 years ago and I was probably the drunkest I have ever been but I will always remember what he did. I'll always remember saying no and attempting to stop him. I'll always remember giving up and just deciding to stop fighting him and to let it happen because you know I was bound to loose it at one point so why not now why not let him take it because he seems so damn adamant. I regret not fighting him harder so much. I regret going out and getting drunk and lying to my parents. I regret so much that came from that night. He raped, I hate this word with a passion, me twice that night and each time I remember giving up and my friends encouraging me off to the side. They were happy that I was finally a "women" they didn't know till the next day what had actually happened three feet away from them. Because of him i turned to drugs. I started smoking weed hoping to numb the pain and when that didn't work I found pain pills and boy did I love them. I took them several times a day. I can't remember my junior year because I was drugged the entire year. After I almost died one night I decided I needed to quit. That this isn't what God wanted for me to do to myself. I got sober. I stayed sober or I tried to. Alcohol became a small problem and then when I got my widskm teeth out, drugs became a problem again. They gave me the same meds I was addicted to. I relapsed and I hated myself for it. It took me a couple of months to get back on my feet again. It's been 4 years. I still hurt. Everyday I go to work and I see a guy that has even the same body structure as him and I tense up and I feel a rush of panic and I hate him for it. I hate he felt that my virginity was something he was allowed to take. That he felt the need to ruin someone's life just to get his dick wet. I just don't understand how someone can do that to someone.