Love and Codependents
All of my exboyfriends have said that I am the best thing that's ever happened to them, I've given their life new meaning, and they seem to fall deeply in love with me. However, I don't usually feel that they have raised the bar of love for me in the same way. I mostly feel that they are wonderful, fascinating people that I love loving. I really would like to feel this kind of intense ardor for someone.
The thing is, I am codependent. This means that I habitually and instinctually put other people's wants, needs, and whims before mine. When I am in proximity to other people, I often cannot distinguish my desires from theirs. I am working on this in therapy, and probably will be for many years.
So, I think men love me because I am so attentive. They don't usually wow me in the same way because I hide, don't notice, or dismiss my wants and needs. Thus, I always end up feeling kind of meh. A lot of times I get hurt when they don't show the same kind of attention that I show them.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and if so, have you found someone that makes you feel ecstatically loved? Thanks, dears!
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