I told my husband a few days ago that I was having a hard time. Because of his job, he can't do over night feedings. And because we're moving into a house next week that needs a lot of work, he's working all day, working on the house all night, and sleeping in the hours between. I'm doing everything by myself. Which I know he's working hard, but I make sure he's taken care of (dinner cooked, house clean, laundry done, massages on his sore muscles, making sure the baby doesn't wake him at night or on his days off) and I have to do all of the packing and cleaning in the house we're in now. He said he didn't understand how I can be sad. He's doing everything he can to make me happy- which just made me feel guilty for not being able to force myself to be happy. 

I'm overwhelmed, and tonight I had what felt like a panic attack. And then when that subsided, I had this overwhelming emptiness in my chest and gut, followed by a lot of crying and some vomiting (even though I'm not eating). I looked up signs and symptoms of PPD, and I literally have all of them. I didn't know how I felt, I couldn't put it quite into words, and when I read that article, it was almost like someone wrote down what my brain was feeling even though I didn't know what it was (if that makes sense). 

Here's the thing, I don't have insurance. I lost my job and my husband makes too much to qualify for assistance, but we can't afford doctor appointments or medications especially buying this house and all of the things we need to make it livable before the weeks up. I don't know what to do. 

I told my husband, through tears and a stuffy nose, how I felt. I told him to read the article to get a better understanding, because he said he didn't understand. He looked up self care and said that maybe I just need to do Yoga or exercise, maybe take a walk with the kids... I have a feeling that won't help, but just add to the list of things I need to do. Then he rolled over and fell asleep while I dealt with the crying baby. He's not taking it seriously. 

I just don't know what to do. I need help.