Losing hope need to vent


I dont even know where to start with whats wrong. My cycle is so fucked up right now and im in limbo. My last "af" was May, but the only reason I classified the bleed as af is the flow level was just this side of af instead of just spotting, there was mild cramps the day it started then nothing and this light bleed lasted for 4 days then stopped. My average was at 31 days so i was due 12 days ago, i have gotten a BFN every time ive tested (1 day late, 8 days late, 12 days late)

I started spotting 4 days past my missed period, just a small dark brown stringy bit. Then 2 days later i had the same thing, then at 8 days late i started spotting light brown, 9 days late spotting was medium brown and i was moody, had some rusty color when wiping but pantiliner just had medium brown, 10 days late was same as 9 except i had a bad cramping for about 2 hours after work then it stopped, 11 days past due i was nauseous and gagged 3-4 times, and here i am day 12 still getting bfn and so fucking frustrated.

Its just super depressing at this point, we've been TTC for 2 1/2 years (ntnp then active ttc). The past 2 cycles we ended up having to do ntnp instead of active ttc because of visiting friends and crazy OT hours. Im just so disheartened because all im seeing is people who either got pregnant super fast or accidently. Right now there is a table full of prgnant ladies i see almost every day at lunch at work, one of my friends is pregnant with twins, two of my friends had babies in the last 6 months, one of our younger friends accidently got a girl pregnant a couple months back, and our neighbors literally just had a baby this week.

I was doing so well before this, being on prenatals was helping to stop/lessen premenstral spotting, my average was finally staying under 33 days. At this point i just want to either get my damn BFP, or have AF actually show up with normal flow.

If you made it through this post, im sorry it was so long i just really needed to vent somewhere. If you have any guesses or suggestions please let me know