I just need to get this out there and hope that I don't sound crazy...

I am 11 days post partum now and I have been nothing but sad and down since my baby's birth. I feel like I'm in a black hole and I can't get out. I cry every time i think about anything, I feel like I'm a terrible mom.... 

I don't know if it's just my hormones messing with me or if it's PPD. I don't feel connected to my baby and I want to so badly. I had to have an emergency c-section after laboring all day and then she went straight to the nicu. I never got my bonding time, she refuses to breastfeed which I feel is a result of the nicu formula feeding her right off the bat and I never got a chance to see or hold her until about 12 hours after she was born. Now I'm exclusively pumping because I want so bad to give her that start in life. 

Everything is just sad and depressing. I hate it. I wish I could go back and do it again differently and I wish I could bond with her like I want too. I love her more than anything in the world, I just feel like such a failure all of the time.