Am I being a Petty Betty?

Question

So, I'll try to make this as short as possible. I'm one of 8 grandchildren. We've always all been close, spent every holiday together and every Birthday growing up. Had family dinners regularly. Went on huge family vacations. I'm currently the only one of the cousins married with a child. One cousin is about to get married in September. He's really the only one of my 5 cousins and 2 siblings I'm not close with. He's been engaged for almost 2 years and he lives about 3 hours away. He didn't come to my wedding, didn't come to my housewarming, my son turned 6 months old today and he still had yet to acknowledge him or even meet him. His fiancé didn't come to my baby shower, she didn't even RSVP. We haven't even officially got invites and the wedding is 8 weeks away. No save the dates. Nothing. When they first found out I was pregnant at first they wanted my son in the wedding. My aunt (his mom) said to him one day a few months after my son was born that he should let Lucas(my son) off the hook for being in the wedding and he said 'whos lucas' he doesn't even know my kids name. So, his fiancé posts on Facebook (to her 700+ friends) that if anyone wants to reserve a room at a local hotel for the night of their wedding to message her for details. I want to text her not to even bother sending us an invite. Where I work my husband and I bid for vacation in October/November for the following year. Bidding is by seniority and only so much time off is allotted for each day. Well we didn't bid last year because they hadn't set the date or sent save the dates so the day of their wedding there is no time available to request off using vacation now. we would have to use sick time. Is it wrong of me not to want to use my sick time for this wedding? Is it bad that I don't want to spend money on an outfit (yes I would have to, I have nothing formal to fit my post pregnancy body). I don't want to be away from my kid for the night and waste it on someone who could give a fuck less about me. I don't want to spend money on a gift. The wedding is almost 2 hours away. I don't want to spend 4 hours in the car. I am for sure not spending money on a hotel. I just don't want to go. They don't acknowledge any milestones in my life, why should I go out of my way and give up time with my baby (who isn't invited, yet all the fiancées family is bringing kids). Am I being petty? Am I going to have to put my big girl panties on and go? Would you all go? I really don't want to go lol thoughts?

Answer

If they posted on getting hotel  info on fb, it means they sent out invitations. So if you did not get a formal one, then you are off the hook. Even if you happen to get one, put it in the trash and don't give it any thought.  You aren't being petty, but you are over thinking things. You just gotta say it! "Fuck 'em!"

Answer

I mean if she hasn't said anything to you about going it doesn't seem like you're invited. So why txt and say you're not going when you haven't gotten an invite?

Not trying to sound harsh but just trying to show you that it would just cause more conflict assuming you're going then texting saying you're not.

Answer

I just wouldn't even bother going.

Answer

Well if they have yet to send an invite you may be off the hook anyway

Answer

Technically you haven't been invited so you're making a big deal for nothing. You're assuming you will be. But until you get the invitation then you're not. Are you not going because they don't come to things for you?? That's what it sounds like.

Now the "they haven't acknowledged my son"...this sounds harsh but not everyone cares if someone has a baby. They know the baby is born. You said you all live hours away so what was he supposed to do??? Especially since you said you two are not close.

Answer

Girl you are not being petty, if I were you, I'd ignore the fact there's even a wedding that's going to take place. It's quite obvious you didn't receive an invite maybe if she's been posting on fb about hotel accommodations for her guests, so turn your back and never look back! They never paid their respects with you and your family, why should you reciprocate? If you get an invite, toss it in the trash. 👋

Answer

That's shitty that they haven't sent save the dates or invites out to anyone yet. That's cutting it close. Save the dates are supposed to be sent out 6-8 months in advance. I'm sure it won't be the only one who can't go since they waited till the last minute. Plus if they don't show up to support you ever, I could see why you wouldn't want to spend all that time and money on them.

Answer

I posted something similar to this a while back and everyone told me I was being petty and people just get busy and I shouldn't expect people to always know what is going on in my life but personally they don't sound very interested in your life so I wouldn't worry about being interested in theirs....especially if you haven't even gotten an invitation yet.

Answer

Nah..screw them. Don't go.

Answer

If you don't get an invitation for it then technically you're not invited. With my wedding for some reason it took forever to hear that people were getting my invites and to start receiving RSVPs back. I had a few wrong addresses returned the week before the wedding so I had to call people and apologize apologize to let them know etc. I don't mean to be harsh but expecting the fiancé to go to a baby shower of someone she hasn't met yet or doesn't really know well is unreasonable. I would've invited her in the first place until she's actually family.  I would say be the better person in this and if by chance you get a formal invite go. That's time to get to know your new family and catch up with your cousin. Take the baby with you if you want. Unless stated in the invite that it's for adults only this could be time for your cousin to meet your baby.

I wouldn't say your being petty... it just sounds like you are upset that you have reached out to them but haven't gotten a response from them. Your reaction is completely reasonable. Just keep up being the better person and reaching out to them. I wouldn't spend a ton of money on the gift though.

Am I being a Petty Betty?

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