My husband is the strongest poker faced man I've ever known and is rarely emotionally vulnerable. I am 6 wks pp and have had some terribly damaging arguments and conversations with my husband. I have major depression regardless of pregnancy and post pregnancy but the pp phase has amplified it a hundred times over. I have treated my husband like pure shit. He has never yelled at me, physically hurt me, has never name called or degraded me in any way. I have done nothing but put every "flaw" under a microscope lately and he doesn't deserve a bitch like me treating him this way. Today I flew off the handle and had my worst break down yet and it scares him to death. He refused to leave me alone. Forced me to hug him and he cried like a baby (first time ive ever seen him cry) telling me how much he worries about my mental health and how much he loves me and cares about me and our daughter. Seeing him cry, seeing his sincerity, feeling his genuine love just felt amazing to know he loves me in my worst moments. I'm not proud of my actions and words but I thank god every day I have him. I hate being so hateful to someone when they don't deserve it. Why do I do that? I recently started meds but they take weeks to work. I feel so horrible that I have caused someone so much stress and pain. I hate this. I want happiness. I hate depression. I hate the bullshit that has caused me to be depressed. I hate the fact I'm not strong enough to beat it without medicine.