Why do I feel like crying?

Why do I feel like crying? Why am I so agitated, irritable to the ones who love me? Maybe this time it's not from feeling, and then seeing that bright red color. Maybe this time it's because I know it's on it's way. It's not that anyone pushed my buttons, it's that I'm hurting inside, and they don't know it, but I'm expressing the emotions anyway, not their faults. Just seeing the color red, anywhere and everywhere pushes me more over the edge. It's just a reminder that it didn't happen this month, or last month. And when it happened the month before?? Two positive pregnancy tests! A week late! Signs of pregnancy!! The excitement was overwhelming, and a little bit scary....but no, there it came. Bright red blood, clots, and cramps, and follwing, eventually, a negative test. And in a few days, when i see that color red, even though i am expecting it, i will cry, and feel angry, and go through the same motions, again. Why do I feel like crying? Why do I feel the urge to burst into tears right now and give up completely?  Don't you? It's not fair, it's confusing, it's humiliating, and I hate it. But God has a plan greater than my understanding. God, I know your plan is only great, but why do I feel like crying? Is it because I didn't get my own way, is it because I expect a certain outcome but when it doesn't happen, I begin questioning why? Why didn't it happen? Why won't it happen? Is it ever going to happen? Why not this month, why not last month, why not the month before when I most expected it to? I'm hurting, and I'm not even completely out yet. 3 more days. Just 3 more. And yet, why, right now, do I feel like crying?