Heyy :) !

The tittle is showing only the beginning of the story. and I need help.

I was with my first boyfriend, I was 15 and he was 18. We were really close but I was soooo far from being ready to do the big thing. I told him that I was scared and not ready. however we once got pretty hot and he asked me to do it, and I said that I wasn't sure at all, however, he insisted so much, claiming that it was nothing once it's over. at the end I said yes, but the most little yes, the yes when someone insists on you to get the last piece of cake and you cannot refuse but you know it's wrong for you.

so we got into it, I wanted to cry. it hurted so much (I was bleeding for a whole week and it wasn't period) and I told him to stop several times. but he didn't. he pleased himself.

for the next couples of months, he would always force me to do it, he would wake me up and go on top without a word, force me to try new things (especially for his pleasure). we all were 15 someday and you can maybe understand how it feels for a young girl to be forced to do things that disgusted her.

he broke up with him. I am now 18 with an awesome boyfriend. but it is quite dark on the sex board ; and here is my big problem. I feel like my first sex experiences broke me and my sex confidence. he, is always horny, he always want to have sex BC he finds me soooo sexy and hot. however, I never feel like it. I never want to have sex. I even have to force me a bit in order to please and make it easier for both of us. on one side, I do not want sex. on the other side, he always wants it. I need you guys here. I am helpless. worried and ashamed. I want to have a normal sex life. I want to have fun with the guy that I love. I want to have an orgasm and like sex.

does anybody have seen or experienced ( I am sorry for you) the same scene ? can anybody help, advice, cheer up or anything, please ?

sorry for the long story short BTW..

thank you for all the answers ! 💖