TTC, infertility wins. 👎🏼

Please bear with me through this long story. So a little back ground info for you, I am 23 years old, pretty healthy other than being overweight and a smoker. I met/married my husband when I was 19, since day one we have never used protection..like ever. We always said that if it happened then we would welcome it, flash forward to now we are still happily married and still not pregnant. I want nothing more in life than to be a mommy, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl! Just a happy, healthy baby! That's all I want. Every time I see someone post about being pregnant and whatnot I get so excited but part of me becomes so angry and envious of them, because they are having a baby, they are pregnant and I am not. I don't have the extra money to spend on specialists for fertility treatments or to be tested constantly. Now I know a lot of people say that if we can't afford a specialist, we can't afford a child..WRONG. We could afford a child with absolutely no problems at all, we just don't have thousands of dollars to spend on testing, medicines etc. so I have decided that today, after almost 4 years of wanting a baby with my husband, that I am throwing in the towel with TTC and am going to focus on me and my health. I am leaving it in Gods hands, and if he decides to give us a child at one point or another then what an awesome blessing, and if not..then I guess that's for the best.

I'm not posting this to get attention or anything, just kinda venting to others who may be going through the same thing.

Prayers to all of us TTC, may you get your BFP's soon! ❤️