Lonely

I tried writing the whole story out to relieve some stress, but it's just so long-winded. So here's a briefer version:

My husband decided he wanted a divorce and I moved back into my dad's with my 8.5 month old son about a month ago now. Some days are manageable.. but many days- today being one- my heart aches beyond comparison. The verbal abuse, a few instances of physical abuse, the control, the manipulation, yet the very intense love I had for this man... makes it hurt so much that he's the one leaving me. I should have left a long time ago, but I always refused to give up. I thoroughly and genuinely believe that I did a great job as a lover, partner, mother, and wife.. yet nothing was ever good enough for him. And now he will do everything in his power to destroy me in this divorce/custody battle. It just makes the world feel like such an unfair place. And I feel like a failure for letting someone else take such control over my life and cause so much destruction in the process. He inflicted such deep wounds into the core of my being over these 3 years.. that I'm having a hard time relocating myself now. I don't know how I can love someone who destroyed me this way.

The 2 days that he has my son are the worst. My son is the light in my life and when he's with my ex, I'm left in darkness. He is taking our house from me, I had to quit my job in order to move out of our house & back home with my dad.. I never got to save any money because he always took every dime I made while he continued to make a six figure salary, and now he refuses to provide proper child support and is trying to get split custody. I'm struggling to find work and I'm just so lonely. He's harassing me about any gift he has ever given me saying that it all belongs to him.. probably in an attempt to ensure that I have no way to sell these things to pay an attorney.

I hope & pray for the day that this is all behind me and I can be happy again. It feels so far away right now.