So I gave birth 4 days ago and it was the best day of my life. Ive been obsessed with my son ever since. He's the light of my life and I feel like I have something to live for.

I didn't immediately get skin to skin which makes me cry, for a reason I have no idea about. Just the hospital I ended up going to labor in.

Right after they cleaned,weighed, measured they patched him on and he latched but immediately after we were having trouble. And none of the nurses were helping. In fact one of the nurses promised me she would help and never came to see me not once. So our first night I tried and tried. I was keeping calm and collected and but he was hungry. So I called my nurse and she sat with me for a couple minutes, was patient and helped him latch on. He finally latched!! I was so happy and it felt sooo special. I timed it and it was 15 minutes on my left. He unlatched so I assumed he fell asleep. Soon after he started giving feeding cues and then came crying so I tried my hardest for a while to latch him on and still no success. So I call my nurse and she comes in and doesn't even try to help latch just says "okay well maybe he isn't hungry" (but he's giving feeding cues) so she swaddles him and leaves. Once she leaves he started crying uhhhhgain ........ so I just put him in bed with me and put him skin to skin and he fell asleep. Next day same thing no nurse would help so I finally said f this my baby is hungry just give me some formula. Nurse gave me formula and he's been the best baby since.... but bottles and formula are a f- ing nightmare itself. (Another lonnng story) so as I explained this to one of these nice ladies at church who was questioning why we're not breastfeeding ? She was telling me how she thinks it's so important so she offered to pay a lactation consultant. (Turns out, she was having trouble breastfeeding, and someone offered to pay a lactation consultant for her so she wanted to pay it forward, which made my heart so full❤️❤️😩) so the lady came yesterday said baby has tongue tie and lip tie so he is confused and closed basically.. so she gave me all this great info and I'm getting it removed tomorrow.

..........But I had the worst night and day today. The first two feedings were great. I fed for 1 hour both times and set him in dock a tot and slept for 3 hours woke him up to feed again. And then night comes and we're up alllllllll night I'm not kidding you breastfeeding. From 3 am until 1:20 pm he will not get off and let me sleep.. I'm falling asleep with him here and I do not like this, I'm terrified of something happening to him. Every time I set him down he seems asleep and then wakes up and starts crying and crying and I've tried to just leave him and see if he'll sleep he's just fussing but nooooo all he wants is the boob and I'm running on no sleep. I literally don't know what this means or if I should give up again ... is this a forever thing?? Did this happen to everyone ? Or is it lip tie ??? I'm so disappointed and discouraged once again. I really want this to work but I'd rather have my baby satisfied and happy to.