(Long story short, my first time having sex was non consensual.)

I absolutely love teasing, and I'm extremely sexual in general. I'm very touchy, and of course love being touched. But when it comes to actual penetration, or even oral if my partner is a female, I just wanna clock out. I feel as though it's a chore, and I'm immediately uncomfortable, but I'm the one who got them riled up, so obviously I'm in charge of handling the situation. I've always been a giver, and so long as my partner is happy, I'm happy. It's so frustrating. I'm fine without having anything sexual whatsoever, but I worry about my current relationship...

I just wonder if my first sexual experience makes the rest feel dirty...?

Does anyone else struggle with the disinterest in sex?