I've been feeling very low this year, and for no good reason. Nothing in my life is going particularly bad: I'm about to graduate and be done with college, I have family friends and my amazing boyfriend that I know love me and I love them. I've never been physically abused although I've had my heart broken a couple times but that's all in the past. I guess I just wish I could be better: less awkward, less introverted, and more proactive and brave at times and little things just all add up to where I just cry when I'm alone and start drinking or thinking about cutting myself. My boyfriend knows Ive had episodes like this before but every time I'm on the verge of breaking down in front of him he brings up how he hopes I'm not depressed because of him. I don't know myself why I can't be satisfied but I know it's no one else's fault, especially since he makes me so happy and I want to marry him but I can't explain my emotions to him. I just wish I knew why deep down I'm just always sad.