So I posted earlier in the week about the company I work for closing down. It just came out of left field. I've worked there for 19, almost 20, years. Every morning I feel like I'm having a panic attack. Then when I get home I just feel like I let myself and everyone else down. I'm trying to hide how I really feel, but it's hard. My parents are going to help me and I have enough savings to help me until I find something else. And I know I should be relieved that I don't have any kids to support or else everything would be so much harder. I always thought my life would be so different at this point. I thought I would be married and have my own little family. I thought my working wouldn't be a necessity so if I wanted to be a SAHM I could.

What feels worse was when my boss told me she was closing down the business, the first person I wanted to turn to was my ex. I know he would have been there for me if I messaged him, but we haven't talked in months. Well, he messages me, I just don't reply back. I have posted about him before. He has a girlfriend but keeps messaging me. I still have feelings for him even though I've tried to move on.

Now these past couple of days, I've also been thinking about a guy I was seeing back in November and December. We still talk and get along ok. We just couldn't get it to develop into a real relationship. I do really care about him, but IDK if I just want to call him so I could feel safe for a little while.

I guess with everything that happened this week I just feel so lost and alone, and I really don't know what to do.