Head vs heart

I'm 16 and in my heart I want to be pregnant, I can't wait to have a bump and waddle around and all that, but my mind knows that I'm so not ready for it--everytime I think I could be pregnant I'm terrified and pray that I'm not. I already know that if I got pregnant at this age I would abort. But looking at yalls baby bumps makes me want to be pregnant SOOO badly. I've always wanted to be pregnant--when I was really young I would always stick balls in my shirt and pretend to be pregnant. I have a lot of things I want to do in life so obviously I'm not gonna get pregnant at this age but I can't wait till I'm older and can. I'm thinking of possibly being a seregate when I'm older because I love the idea of pregnancy but am not a huge fan of the idea of kids. Maybe it's just period emotions but I'm so excited for being older and being pregnant.