Horrible anxiety

So, I lost my virginity when I was drunk and my boyfriend I was a selfish lover because he did most of the boy. He's recent my boyfriend, I'm 30 and he's 27. But he was not a virgin, I felt really bad. I like him but I feel he has changed, and I asked him, because if it was to finish the relationship I can't be with someone who only wants sex, even if we are exclusive and he's my boyfriend.

My anxiety is like killing me, my mom says that nobody will marry me.

My two best friends (who are boys) tell me I need to relax and flow with it but I just can't I care about my image.

Do you think the book why men marry bitches? Can help me? I'm taking my anxiety pills.

We had a small talk and he was disappointed I regret it, he said I was a selfish lover, but I told him i was drunk and it's better when you are not drunk -I guess- I was a virgin so I don't know.

I'm trying to act as relax as possible, I even bought medication to sleep (Valium) because I can't talk this with anyone

I do want to be the wife, not just the girlfriend and I hope this sex too soon didn't spoiled it.

What can I do?

He's very insecure. Like we all have our insecurities but he says he's afraid I won't like him? Or I will find someone more handsome, like we were kissing and he was teaching how to kiss and his penis got hard but I really wanted to wait -again- and he said it was ok.. but I had no idea someone could get his penis hard by just kissing and I felt bad because I don't want to provoque him and then not have sex with him.