6 weeks post partum and really down about my body.

I was never thin. I was about 245 lbs then lost weight on my own within 3 years and got to 165. I wore a size 8 pre baby. But since I was losing weight.. I have a variety of sizes including 10 and 12s. I know the number on the size doesnt matter. But the fact that some pants dont close really breaks my heart. I was 192 lbs at my highest pregnant.. I went down to about 178-182 after birth. But now I'm 188, like wtf? I don't even want to go anywhere because that means I have to get dressed. My pants don't close.. I gained weight. I'm wearing 10s right now but I feel my stomach want to hang over A bit. And it still feels like it sticks out a lot. I can't seem to suck it in. I'm squishy there and always have been but its just weird.. I have a closet full of things that I'm not comfortable in. It was so easy dressing my bump. It was so hard to lose weight.. it took incredible time and effort that I just can't afford doing anymore. I feel like crying. And the fact that the scale is going up instead of down scares me. I just don't feel beautiful. Not in public anyway. Anyway.. I know I probably sound stupid. I just had a breakdown in my closet today.