Whats wrong with me? My friends compliment me all the time and I can't feel good about it. They tell me im hot, and curvy, and have great style but i hate all if it. I try to force myself to believe it but i cant.

My own boyfriend can't compliment me because i hate it so much.

But in their face i smile, make a witty remark, and act confident because im supposed to be a role model. Im not SUPPOSED to be their role model, i AM their role model. I pretend like i have all the confidence as i walk down the halls in my dresses or stylish clothes, but in class i sit with my head down and live in fear of a panic attack most of the day. I saw someone making fun of me from a distance once and couldnt stop the pounding of my heart, i was so scared.

I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend who thinks I'm cute, SEXY even. There have been a handful of people who have had crushes on me and constantly flirt with me. Im convinced that they only want me for my tits and (honestly pretty great) thighs, but that contradicts my thoughts that im really ugly with a horrific body?

All because of WHAT? A couple of ASSHOLES who played a prank in me? People constantly saying nice things to build me up before they tear me apart? My sexual assaults? People liking the way i look but not my personality?

Anything sweet people say instantly burns me. I hate compliments but i feel like i need them. I cant stand myself.

Ive never been one to act like all people think the same. Ive always said to treat everyone nicely because even though some are assholes, not all of them are.

So why can i never take my own advice?