i shouldn't cry but i really wanna

Jesus.

I knew long distance was going to be hard but this is ridiculous. Honestly, we are only an hour and a half apart yet we haven't seen one another except once (& he accused me of cheating and pretty much ruined the trip). And now he's distant. And I'm alone, and stressed and feeling extremely unwanted and unloved and he doesn't even seem to care. I tell him I'm sad, that I want some extra "romance" & nothing. I don't want him to buy me things. When I say extra romance, all I want is a cute text. For example, I asked him if he remembered the night he told me he loved me for the first time (because I really needed to share the happy memory with him) and he just kept making up funny stories and laughing it off like it wasn't important. I just feel like I'm going to get my heart broken here. I have to text him first all the time if I want any attention for that day. If I don't text him, we don't talk. This hurts me more than every because I love him to the moon and back. He claims to love me. It doesn't show.

I just feel lost and alone. I can't afford to have a breakdown, I just started a rigorous PhD program, I cannot afford to have my heart broken because this will break me to the core. I don't want to have to tell everyone that he left me, but dammit, it feels like that's exactly what's going to happen.

I don't really need or want advice, I just wanted to vent & I know y'all are good at letting people do that.

Much love & peace profound, ladies ❤️