I mean I don't think I'm suicidal but if this war kills me then I wouldn't mind to much of it. other then the fact of my boyfriend. y'all I feel like I let everyone down.. I can't even stand my own presence. I'm so disgusted with myself. I say I'm better. I'm clean from harm and from attempts. but it's really hard not to sometimes. (I'm safe) I just like to know when I'm gonna get a break. ya know? where's my happy ending? oh yeah in Australia and if this war happens I'll never see or hear from him. nice. fucking fantastic. great.