Let me preface this by saying our bodies are amazing... I've had very mixed emotions when it comes to this miscarriage, overall I'm very sad, upset, I constantly wonder why me? What did I do wrong? What could I of done differently? Why did this happen? So many more questions than answers right now. On the flip side I am thankful our bodies are complex machines that know more then we can imagine.

It all began at our our 7w appointment we got bad news, we were only measuring 5w and they didn't see anything. They immediately told us we had the potential risk for MC. It was devastating hearing that after being so excited, telling family, and anticipating this appointment for nearly 2 months!! The following week the doctors closely monitored my hCG levels and we had another US the following week. We were measuring 6w2d and even saw a heart flicker. Everything was going great and I thought we were on an upswing and there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Two weeks later (Tuesday) we went back hopeful, I felt FULL BLOWN pregnancy symptoms and we got news of an empty sac! My OB wanted to do a D&C; which I thought was very aggressive. Should we do more testing? Another US? "Are you 100% sure!??" I didn't believe it! I even got an emergency second opinion from another OB the next day (Wednesday). The US was the same, and they gave us the same 3 options. As she's speaking the words they're muffled, my mind is racing and I'm barely listening. They scheduled us for another US next week just to be 100% sure. I didn't want to believe it, we want this pregnancy so bad. To make it worse I live on West Coast of Central Florida and 🌀Irma was headed our way!!

My husband and I went home and cried as we were prepping for Irma to destroy our state. Could this timing get any worse?? We talked about our options and I prayed this would happen naturally as the barometric pressure from this hurricane tore through our city. I thought about the whole terrible experience together, and the mental cleansing afterwards. A new season of rebuilding our life. On my trip to Target to get more hurricane supplies I sat in the aisle and wept while reading every pad on the market. Yes people were staring at me. What do I even buy for something like this? Calling my bestie on the way home balling my eyes out... What is happening?? Overall I'm very level-headed.. I own two businesses, I can handle stress but most of my stress is solved by solutions. What's the solution? This is a humbling experience for me because there is NO solution. We will try again, but right now there's no immediate solution. I got home and called the doctor; How do I prepare for a miscarriage? What do I do? What can I expect? What is good and what is bad? While I am wondering what ER's are open during hurricane Irma and how we could get there if there were to be severe hemorrhaging. Omg!!

Days leading up to Irma everyone in our state is in a panic but it's hard to cope because I am panicking too and for two reasons. I am praying that my body will respond naturally, I am freaking out because what if things go wrong. I'm also in solace because women's bodies are smart! I don't want to take unnecessary pharmaceuticals. I don't want surgery I just want my body to respond so we can start over. By Thursday hurricane Irma is over Cuba and I was spotting barely but enough to prepare for the days ahead... praying for this hurricane to turn out to sea. By Saturday I was bleeding red and as this hurricane approaches us it's been getting heavier and heavier. The eye is almost to my city and my cramping is horrible, this is full blown. I'm soaking pads, underwear, and even my shorts. This is horrible, sad, disgusting, terrifying, but it's beautiful and amazing how our bodies respond to these things. Women are 💪🏼!!!

We just lost power... I'm sitting in the dark with my mom and husband, 100 mph wind howling outside, our boarded windows shaking... we are all in this together.

I will finish my post and keep y'all updated soon... I have to save my phone battery. To all you ladies that have been through this before please give me tips and advice... also pray my power comes back on!!