2am on September 15,2017 I am laying in bed trying to sleep but can't due to severe cramps from miscarrying my 2nd pregnancy. I'm pissed, sad and hurting. Why did this happen to me again. I feel like my world is falling apart as I'm being stabbed in my abdomen and heart. I feel numb but yet want to scream to the top of my lungs. I feel as if I have failed my husband yet again because he got his hopes up he was going to have his first child. I'm pissed because I got mine up to. Why the hell cant my body work right. A woman is supposed to have babies and I can't. Why do I have to go through this. I'm hurting so bad not just emotionally but physically. I feel useless because my body doesn't work right. Knowing that everyone will say I'm so sorry. I just don't even want to hear it. I know they are coming from a good place but not one damn sorry is going to make me feel better. It'll happen when you least expect it everyone says, well we didn't expect it this time. After two sets of fertility treatments this time was natural and we were so hopeful but now yet so heartbroken. I'm tired of people saying it'll happen you just have to stop trying. Well it doesn't work like that we stopped thinking about it and yea we got pregnant but yet again I'm miscarrying my baby. They baby who I thought my body would give me in 9 months to hold, love, cherish and care for. But I guess not. This pain is miserable it makes me want to be in birth control. Is this the reason I can't have a successful pregnancy? Can I not handle the pain? Maybe not. I'm hurting like hell right now. Nothing seems to help. I just want to cry but trying to hold it in so my husband doesn't get woke up so he can get up early to take me for my scheduled D&C.; I'm hurting and hurting bad cramp by cramp one tear rolls down my face little by little blood flows out with what could have been my child. Now just pieces of tissue. I'm sick of this shit I just wanted a child. I'm doubting everything I've ever been told. Is there even a God? I've prayed and prayed and begged and pleaded for a child. People around me have kids who they don't even care for or treat as a kid. They leave them with family to go to drugs. I'm not on drugs and neither is my husband we work have a roof over our heads and yet no baby!!!! Why is the world so fucking ass backwards? The people who don't deserve kids have them and the ones that do can't for nothing. All the piece of shit parents get rewarded with beautiful children they don't deserve. But yet everyone says there is a reason for everything, those kids were born to save the people, well they didn't save them cause their doing more drugs and bumming them they did before. They just got lucky while they were fucked up off alcohol or dope and got pregnant. Maybe I should turn to drugs then I'd get pregnant since that seems to be what "God" wants to give people who are pieces of shit. They get babies! Let's all go get on drugs so we can finally create a family that we've always wanted. Why does everything have to be so hard! Why does people have to suffer from infertility issues. I'm so sorry to everyone going through hard time with TTC and miscarriage I wouldn't wish this in anyone