I think I had postpartum depression...

Looking back at the newborn days I feel like I wasn't as happy as I should have been. It was hard. It sucked. I felt like I was gonna die. My LO cried all.of.the.time. The only time she wasn't crying was if she was sleeping. And she never slept. If she slept it was for 45 minutes. That was it. My nipples were cracked and bleeding. When she cried I felt helpless and frustrated (it turns out she has tongue tie and was in an endless cycle of being tired and hungry- making her miserable and why she cried all of the time). When I hear people say "it's hard but so worth it" I feel guilty I didn't feel that way 100% of the time. I love my LO more than anything but there were moments where I thought "what did we do?" So I'm not sure if it was PPD or BB but it was horrible and I feel like a terrible mom for feeling so frustrated, angry, and sad for most of her newborn weeks.

It just makes me nervous about having another one. I'm scared I'll have baby blues or postpartum again (if I officially did). I wonder if I'll be able to do it.

For the record- I love my LO more than I could possibly express