i haven't told him I'm off the pill

I'm 38. I left my husband and father of my girls (7&10) half and a year ago to be with my dearest friend who I'm totally in love with. He was 18 years with his GF, never got kids. He always wanted children, never worked. For almost a year, I stopped the pill... I know he would love "an accident" to happen. Trying for real seams a lot of pressure and it's not the right time. Am I wrong ? I feel old and I don't want to miss that last opportunity.