Getting married?!???

Question

Sooo, I'm in a relationship with my bf since April. He is three years older than me (I'm 21 and in final year of college).
Even before we started dating, I knew that he wanted to be married young. Specifically on his 25th (which is next year). Last month, he explicitly said that he wanted to marry me as soon as I graduate. And I was like super panicked and screaming inside. 
Don't get me wrong, I do love him very much. He's very husband material. Before him, I was in a bad relationship where I was constantly lied to, cheated on, and forced to do things. He understands that and he's been sooo patient with me. He's a wonderful guy and I just love him so much💕💋
But sometimes I'm just not sure about getting married so soon. I just feel like there are things, opportunities that I'll miss if I get married that young. I'm a very ambitious person. I have dreams that I wanna achieve, career and personal wise. But other times, I'm like: yes please, let's get married soon. Especially when he's being so attentive or telling me the stuff he's doing to prepare for providing to me. Idk, it just calls to something within me to know that he wanna take a good a care of me.
We talked about it. I told him about (some) of my concern like I want to find a job and settled into work life before getting married. I told him to at least give me a year after graduation. He understands and agreed to that. But sometimes he's just like 'come on babe that's too long.' I'm not sure if that's serious or is he just being playful?!?! And when my resolve are weakened or when I'm playful I just say: 'well, convince me then'.
Both of our parents support his idea. Especially his. But yeaaaa sometimes I just feel unsure. But at the same time I don't wanna loose him bcs I'm afraid that I won't find anyone as great as he is.
What should I do? What made you sure that you SO is the one and you are ready to marry him?

Answer

I think you are very smart for being so cautious. You guys just started to date and while he's amazing so far, you guys are still getting to know each other. Now I know someone will say "I married my husband after x months and we've been together for x years" but realistically that isn't very common. Also statistically 40-50% of marriages in the US end in divorce. I get you do not want to end up loosing him. But if he was the love of your life and the one, he would wait for you. Period. Good luck lady I'm sure you will make the best decision for you!

Answer

That feeling of reluctance you have is telling you you're not ready. It probably won't go away. Trust your instinct and if he's as great and patient as you say he is, then he will understand. If you feel too young now, when the marriage gets rough you'll constantly be looking back wondering if you should have waited. Such a commitment should not be rushed into. Have you talked about compromises? Maybe a promise ring? Or a long-term engagement? This may alleviate some of the pressure you're feeling, but also show him you're serious and committed. People change a lot in their 20s...you're learning financial independence, the working world, what kind of career/ lifestyle you want. You're getting to know yourself as an adult. Assuming you're 21 in college, you've likely never been out of school. It's a big transition. Remember marriage isnt just about loving each other-- you also become legally and financially joined together. I say all this just to say you're in a transitional period in your life, so make sure you consider all of the possibilities. But it sounds like you're not ready which isn't a bad thing, it means you just need time. I hope your boyfriend can give you the time you need, and I'm hoping you two can come to an agreement that can meet both of your relationship needs.

Answer

I don't think being married slows down any goals, ambitions, aspirations, dreams etc.
If anything you're basically legalizing the commitment you two already have. You are lawfully saying you want to be together forever! 
I don't believe that you'll be hindered by saying "I do!" 
You'll still be able to accomplish and achieve all that you set your mind to. 
Yes marriage is a huge step and no you may not be ready, but that is something you have to figure out and talk through with your SO.
Still life goes on and marriage wouldn't stop you from graduating school, getting a career, paying bills, living life. 
Anyhow do what you feel is best, if you need more time to come to terms with the idea, well that's okay too! Good luck!

Answer

Basically sounds like you're not ready to get married and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not married yet but I knew I wanted to marry my boyfriend the day I met him. Your heart just knows. Good luck!

Answer

You are still in the honeymoon stage at 5 months. Slow down, he may be perfect now but just realize that you are looking through rose colored glasses

Answer

Honestly, getting married has helped me fulfill all my goals. Worth his help, I've been able to pay for college and now have my degree, my life is happier and I have a constant friend and support when life gets hard. I have someone to come home too who helps me by cleaning the house and going to his own job to support us. Being married has helped me become a better person. However, I never was a party, date lots of people type. I dated two other guys very seriously before my husband and they just didn't feel right. But as soon as I started dating him, I knew I just couldn't do better. I wanted to make a smart choice too, so I made a pro cons list and then (I'm religious) I prayed for good feelings. I tried to picture my life with him, and every time I did I felt happy. We also talked a lot about what life would be like if we did get married to make sure we would fit together well for forever; we talked about how many kids we wanted, where we wanted to live, how we wanted to raise our future kids, our goals and ambitions, and since we agreed in almost every aspect, and I knew I loved him  (we connected immediately) i knew he was the one. I've never regretted getting married for a day(Even if we have disagreements,) because I knew it felt right and I took time to think it through.. but again, I was kind of like your boyfriend and was ready to settle down so it was an easy choice For Me and my husband.

Answer

Every relationship is different but also a commitment as serious as marriage needs both partners to be ready and secure. If he wants to be with you it won't matter that it's taking you a bit longer. There is nothing wrong with waiting. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take your time. And you know what? If at some point you change your mind about him there's nothing wrong with that too. Not that I'm saying you should. 
He had goals for his life but you also do for yours and those can't be invalidated because time is running out on his countdown. Feeling pressured isn't the best way to begin a marriage for either of you. It's great that he has been understanding so far, but if he knows he wants to be with you it won't matter if that happens today or a few years from now. I think your approach is mature and rational. Trust your instincts and give yourself and your relationship time to grow.

Answer

If you have ANY doubt, don't. It's a hell of a thing to be wish washy on. You deserve to be sure.

Getting married?!???

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