Gender Disappointment

After having a loss and TTC for over five years, I’m completely ashamed at how I’m feeling right now.

We had a scan last week and we were told that our baby is a boy. We have two boys already. I’ve said all along that this little one is a boy, mostly because I expected it and I wanted to avoid feeling any disappointment.

I’ve bought some boy clothes and I get rushes of love and excitement for my tiny boy, but I also have some disappointment that we didn’t get a girl.

It’d be the first girl in both of our families for a long time. My mother wants it to be a girl. His mother wants it to be a girl. There is a ‘race’ between all the siblings and cousins in our families to who will get a girl first. We all have boys.

It’s probably everyone else making me feel like a failure for not having a girl (despite it being the mans choice at what gender it is!), but I can’t help feel disappointed. And ashamed for being disappointed. We never thought we’d have another baby after secondary infertility. I want this baby so much. I just want the disappointment to go away.

We have an official gender scan this week to confirm it. I’ll update you on how it goes..

Update: It’s a boy. 😆 I’m used to the idea now and I’m excited to see him! 💙