My cat died yesterday

he had a really bad seizure. he has had a small one before but this one was for like 10 minutes. He was shaking, jumping and meowing. I was scared for him. i kept crying. I looked online to see what I was supposed to do but it was no help. we called a pet hospital. they told us to bring him in. we didn't have a pet carrier so we had to use a basket. we really didn't want to touch him cuz his body was so stiff and we were scared we might hurt him. I cried. it took like 6 minutes to get him into the thing. then we had to drive him to the hospital. I sat with him in the back seat. he was still seizing. after 5 minutes he started to calm down. then he just stopped. it didn't look like he was breathing but I told myself that I couldn't tell in a moving car. finally we got to the hospital. I told my mom he wasn't moving but she says to get him inside anyway. she was so calm. the nurse said he was gone. I cried so hard. I just cried and cried. the let me say good bye. when I touched him he was still warm. his fur was so soft. another nurse came and asked if I wanted a paw print and his ashes. I said yes. she said she was sorry for my loss but her tone didn't match what she was saying. she seemed happy. my little brother kept pointing to pictures of other cats asking me if I wanted them. there was this other lady there talking to one of the nurses about her pets. it made me sad that she was happy with her pets and mine was dead. my sister and brother weren't sad at all. it made me more sad. whenever they was work that came with owning the cat they all said it was quote on quote my cat and whenever there was pleasure that came of the cat it was everyone's cat all of a sudden. I was angry at them and the nurses and the other lady that was there. and at my stepdad. he wasn't there (my mom and him are getting a divorce) but I blame him for the seizures. I blame him because he let my cat out for a month without telling us. he had so many scratches and missing patches of fur and missing claws and I think that the trauma did something to his brain. I think that's what caused the seizures. I was angry and sad. everyone kept asking me questions but I just wanted to go home. I still can't stop crying. never again will I feel his warm fur never again will he wake me up in the middle of the night to come sleep with me in my bed. never again