How I really feel about breastfeeding...

I hate breastfeeding. I can't be the mother I need to be because I'm stuck with two pumps on my boobs all day. I can't do anything productive with my life. I hate my body, I'm unhappy. At the end of the day there is no difference between a formula fed baby and a breastfed baby in the long run. My body hurts, my mental health is suffering. This is the biggest waste of my time. I love my baby and want what's best for them, but is it really going to matter when they're older that they had more antibodies then non breastfed baby? The only reason why I do it is because I'm afraid people will think I'm a bad mom, there is no other reason. It's not better for me or even my baby who has bad gas from my milk, who I can't even produce enough milk for. Who I can't even take outsiders days because I'm stuck breastfeeding.