Wish it was my turn

In a couple hours we are heading to my in laws so my sister in law can give her surprise pregnancy announcement. Her pregnancy was as much a surprise to her as it will be to the rest of the family. As exciting of a time that this is I know what will follow; it’s been asked at the last few family events.

In a couple hours I will be smiling and expressing my genuine happiness and excitement but deep down wishing it was me.

I will be smiling when the other women tell me it’s my turn next, hoping they’re right.

I will be smiling when they also ask me when we are going to have a baby; they don’t know we’ve been trying for over a year.

I will be smiling when the younger kids ask me the same thing; they’re to young to see how much that question hurts.

I will be smiling and genuinely happy this entire evening bc I really am excited and so happy for her. But I know by the time I’m driving home, I’m going to break.

In a couple hours I’m about to be on a roller coaster of emotions, but I will make myself handle it.