Hi. I am a newborn so naturally everyone in my family is a pro when it comes to handling me. However, when it comes to visitors, my parents are constantly having to have to play the "bad guys." As mommy and daddy's new bundle of joy, I've come up with the 7 cardinal rules of visiting me, a newborn:

1. Do not kiss me, anywhere, at any time, no matter how delicious I look. In fact, do not put your face anywhere near my face or my hands. If you absolutely insist on kissing me (annoying both mommy and daddy), please do so on the top of my head, as I cannot reach that yet, or on the bottom of my feet, don't worry they're clean!

2. If my parents hand me to you in a baby carrier, use it. Do not take me out of the carrier under any circumstance. I tend to be sensitive to your clothes, detergent, excessive perfumes/colognes, so just keep me in my carrier and I'll play nice.

3. I'm sure your children in particular are the healthiest children in the world, but, let me put it this way - it's not you, it's me. I am born a germaphobe and it may take me a couple of months to adjust to this yucky world. And don't ask mommy and daddy if you can bring your kids anyway - they really don't enjoy saying no.

4. If I start crying when I'm with you, please give me back to mommy. I get you want to soothe me and be a superhero for doing it but I really just want my mommy and daddy.

5. I get hungry, sleepy, poopy, and fussy around the clock. If you want to visit me, plan to come for less than an hour so mommy and daddy can get back to giving me their undivided attention instead of hosting you!

6. DO NOT POST or SEND OUT PICTURES WITHOUT MY MOMMY’s PERMISSION..it’s rude

7. Please give mommy a heads up before visiting and respect rules 1-6 mommy has barley seen or heard from any of you the entire 9mths!