I HATE MY BODY!😭

Turning to eve so as not to start another fight with friends who don’t believe Depression is an illness or even a problem. I’ve been struggling with this on and off for years, but this is the absolute worse I’ve ever been. Starting in August I suddenly became unmotivated and lost my drive. That coupled with stress from university, family, and work ... I’m 20+ lbs heavier and I feel like somebody took my body and left me with this fat shit. I just feel like everything I worked hard for is no longer in my control and I have no idea where to start I’m getting it back. What do you do to stay motivated? How do you boost your self esteem and confidence? How do you fall in love with a body that you hate? Like I haven’t left home in days and I just don’t wanna be seen I feel terrible.