Don’t know where else to go with this...

My boyfriend isn’t really there for me through panic attacks, depression episodes or in general lifestyle discussions. He won’t cuddle me, I’m always cuddling him. I give back rubs, head scratches, massages and more. I talk about problems or worries and he doesn’t respond. It’s like he tunes me out completely. We haven’t been together too long, about 8 months, but I have mentioned that I don’t feel like I can talk to him at all. Like he doesn’t want to get to know me. He says things about how he loves me and I’m the one and all of the things I would want to hear... but I’m starting to feel like his actions aren’t matching up. I know he’s not cheating or doing anything to hurt me intentionally. I just don’t know what to think about this stuff anymore.. it’s always been like this. I feel like I give and give and give and if I ask for something he’s ‘tired’. Hardly waits for me to finish anymore...

What is this?

I battle with depression and anxiety, sometimes do have panic attacks. The first one he experienced with me - he held me and talked to me and helped me calm down. The most recent he literally said ‘this is bad timing...’

I’m confused. I’m hurt. I feel like everything is my fault and I’m ashamed of having trouble ‘seeing the glass half full’ all of the time. And it hurts because I feel like it pushes him away, and he says it doesn’t, but he feels distant. Like he won’t put in any effort.

Recently we have argued more than usual and at a point he did cover my mouth and push me up against the wall. I wonder if my personal issues make him that mad. He can’t handle anything that I try to bring up. He gets so angry! I feel like walking on eggshells just being around sometimes and other times I have to pick and choose what I’m doing/saying/need to talk about.

Should I just stop talking? Should I work on depression more? What do I do? I don’t have many friends and don’t feel like I want to bring this to them...