My friend asked me to change my wedding date for her? Is she a bad friend?

Question

Accepted Answer

it's rude to ask but it would be helpful to know the context of your situation.

Answer

It depends on WHY and how set in stone your date is (have you booked anything?) Can’t answer without more information tbh.

Answer

Eh. I asked my friend to change her wedding date if she planned on having me in it. I was going to be out of the country then and I couldn’t change my plans as they were already paid for. She had no problem at all with it and moved the date. It wasn’t like she had to reschedule anything though. She just wanted a certain date in May and before she booked anything she was mentioning the date to close friends and family. She wanted me to be a bridesmaid. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying to the bride-to-be “Oh that date won’t work for me because blah blah blah. I’m sorry. If you can change the date, great!! If you can’t, I understand.” There shouldn’t be any expectations from either person though. You shouldn’t expect people to change their vacation plans for your wedding and they shouldn’t expect you to change your wedding date because of their vacation plans. It’s a very nice thing to make those changes but no one is in the wrong for NOT doing it. Just my opinion.

Answer

I don’t think she’s a bad friend. I think it’s very inconsiderate to ask someone to change a wedding date. That’s YPUR Day! You and your fiancée get to choose that day. It’s the day YOU want to be special for the rest of your life. But I think a bit more information would be helpful.

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I had a family member complain about my wedding date interfering with their vacation (they travel a ton, at least once every two months, so them taking a few days off from their vacation isn’t a lot to ask) and I had my grandmother (we are extremely close) ask me to change my wedding date for her. I was like um hell no! She didn’t show up to my graduation because she wanted to go to Mexico and then she had the nerve to complain to my grandma about my wedding date interfering with their vacation?! She makes everything about her and it’s just an endless cycle. You shouldn’t have to change such a monumental event for one person. That’s just unfair to you! It’s your day!

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depends why really ...

Answer

Your friend is overreacting. You didn’t know she had plans, and you explained why you can’t change your date. If she can’t understand that, then she needs to get over herself. I understand that you’re close, but she doesn’t sound very supportive. Talk to her, and if she’s still combative, tell her that she doesn’t have to come.
The gf of a friend of ours SCREAMED at my husband and I and demanded we change our date when she was told last year when our wedding would be. Because the date we chose was the day after her birthday, she accused us of usurping her birthday weekend and stealing all of her guests and that had been her weekend her whole life. She used the “you can have any other day” crap on us too, but we had our reasons for that weekend and wouldn’t budge. Our friend ended up breaking up with her a few weeks later and we didn’t invite her anyway.

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This is one of the messages. I just feel really horrible we may look into changing the date but then everyone else will be upset

Answer

She is a good friend of mine and here lately we have grown apart. We were going to have our wedding in Colorado but she got upset with that and it meant a lot of people couldn’t go so we changed it to Ohio. The date works for us best because I’m in nursing school and June 16th is 2 days before my summer break so the 18th we would leave for Maui on our honeymoon and if I changed it to the weekend of the 23rd we would have a short honeymoon and it would be a lot more stressful. 
She was happy it was going to be in Ohio and originally in Colorado we were going to have our wedding on the 21st and then stay out there for a little for our honeymoon but everything changed and she asked when it was going to be and I said June 16th and she said she will be on vacation with family for her cousins wedding. She keeps saying I haven’t included her in anything and I literally just got engaged 3 weeks ago we are just trying to figure things out and she said you had any day in the world to pick a wedding and you chose that day and I had no idea she had a wedding to attend! I was in the process of asking her to be a bridesmaid. She texted me and said do what you want but that she’s hurt. So I feel so guilty I’m actually considering changing the date. Side note she also did not congratulate me on my engagement, she wasn’t even happy for me.

My friend asked me to change my wedding date for her? Is she a bad friend?

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