Idk I feel like something's wrong with me. Please help😞

Ok..So I was molested as a child.

I kept it bottled up after I told my mom&never; really seeked help for it.

My mom basically told me not to tell people cause cops, news reporters, doctors would poke& prod &family; &friends; would be disgusted with us if they found out(So only we knew)

But here's the issue, my relationship with men has been a seriously crazy rollercoaster.

I have trust issues, I'm really not confident in myself at all (which included my looks), I still consider myself a virgin even tho what happened.

I rarely masturbate cause it makes me feel dirty sometimes & I'm honestly scared to have anything go inside me.

I can't handle a Dr. looking down there so I can't get examined or a pap smear.

I can't relax. I feel super nervous, worried, anxious &then; I panic, flinch &move; away cause it freaks me out.

I have no idea what to do.

I can't live my life like this.

It's not right nor should I feel this way about men, sex, self pleasuring &Dr;'s/pap smears. 😖😲😭