Asexual Awareness Week!

so its asexual awareness week and i thought it would be good to talk about asexuality and my experience as an aromantic asexual.

Asexuality is a spectrum. its a spectrum with some sexual attraction on one end and no sexual attraction on the other. if someone classes themselves as asexual they have little to no sexual attraction. Here are some of the terms that fall under asexuality.

Similarly, aromanticism is the same thing but regarding romantic attraction.

i have always known i wasn't interested i relationships like others around me. To fit in, i would pretend to have a crush on someone and keep it a secret as to who it was. In reality. i had no desire to be with someone, to hold their hand, to kiss them, to fuck them, to go on a date. i never experienced the butterflies or look at someone and want to have sex. i have a libido but don't feel a need to act on it. i don't know if this makes much sense but i just don't have this attraction to anyone.

i learnt about asexuality and a romantic ism in secondary school and only accepted it as a label for me in college when i turned a guy down and without realising admired to him and to myself that i am not romantically or sexually attracted to anyone. i felt a relief. i was me.

Now, im 19 and have a love / hate relationship with my sexual and romantic identity because neither sex or love repulse me. i would love to feel the way so many do about people but i cannot. I feel lonely and scared that i will never be able to adopt in the future as a single person or will never get married (i love the idea of marriage and weddings but will probably never have one of my own.) but i love the fact that i am single too. i can be super close with my friends in a 100% platonic way and have this freedom and am able to be independent. i love it. but i hate it.

i may not always feel this way. one day i may feel this attraction and be able to experience sex and love like i wish i could sometimes. But until then, i am Aromantic Asexual and Proud :D