Held My Baby For The First Time💜


After a long journey battling a rare and deadly condition called TRAP syndrome where the mortality rate is 50%-90% from pumping extra blood which strains the heart and can cause heart failure in utero, it only occurs in 1 in 40,000 pregnancies, it involves her pumping extra blood to passed identical twin that grows to become a disfigured mass that threatens her life by the end, and there are only a handful of cases a year. You can go to my page and read more about it as it’s very complex and near impossible to google and there you will only find two or three cases where a baby made it to birth. My daughter Delilah is the strongest little person I know. She was born via planned C-Section at 34+3 at 5lbs 3oz and 17.3 inches on October 23rd after I was in antepartum for 55 days and spent my 20th birthday there as well. Since we were all focused on her heart, we weren’t expecting her to have so many breathing issues after the two rounds of steroids I got. It’s a miracle her heart is perfect! She was on 51% oxygen CPAP mask and her resp rates were 130 per minute which caused her left lung to pop a hole Tuesday and collapse where she got a chest tube which was a huge set back on me holding her. It took 16 hours for me to see her and two days for me to even touch her. However today we got some good news! Her chest tube came out and her oxygen is at 21% which means we’re close to taking the mask off! Her IV came out but that wasn’t on purpose but before they tried to stick her again they are upping her feeds on feeding tube to 35mL every 3 hours to see if she can keep her blood sugar up on her own so we shall see! AND because her chest tube came out...For the first time today, I got to hold my baby. The first time I held her tiny warm body against mine and kissed the top of her head. The first time half of my heart was reunited with me since she left my womb on 10/23. Today is also the first time we saw her open her eyes, and they looked just like my husbands which are deep chocolate brown, and I couldn’t have been more in love in that moment with his hands on my shoulders behind me and his eyes looking up at me from our daughter. I always wanted that rush of intense love people say they get when they hold their baby. I got that and it was intoxicating I almost got kind of drowsy and I didn’t realize it until I lost a few mL but my milk let down naturally and soaked my shirt. I didn’t want to put her back but after an hour we were holding little bottles under my boobs so I didn’t waste her milk until they were leaking uncontrollably and I had to put her back to pump. It was my biggest supply so far at 48mL. She is so perfect in every way to me. Not once did she cry. She just put her tiny tiny hands on my chest and slept. Her breathing has not been more regular and deep since we’ve been here and I can’t wait until she’s stable enough to try to breastfeed. I left my baby at the hospital after 55 days in antepartum and 4 days C-Section recovery. I walked into the hospital on 8/29 a girl and walked out after 59 days a mother. I gave my husband John Casey Fenn my heart the day I met him and then when we made Delilah Casey Fenn I split it I half and gave the other half to her and I can’t wait until I don’t have to leave half of my heart at the hospital anymore 💜