I just need some support..
My dad's brother raped me when I was younger.. I was too young to tell anyone what happened.. And I started having flashbacks in middleschool when I started becoming more interested in boys and was going through puberty.. I never told anyone on my Dads side of the family about what happened with my Uncle, but they're all really excited about me having a baby and have all started adding me on facebook or messaging me even though Ive never really had a close bond with them like that.. Well, I know they're just trying to find a way to bring our family closer together, and there's nothing wrong with that, Id love to have a relationship with my Dads family, but they always bring up my Uncle Chris and Im just so over hearing about him, and its been making me nauseous and stressed and I have even cut myself off from facebook for long periods of time thinking it would help, but it doesn't.. And my grandma commented on one of my posts about how she hopes the baby is born on Chris's birthday, which is November 4th, and I know the chance of that happening would be slim because it'd be too early, but just the fact that there is a chance at all made me start crying, and I would be so upset if that happened when its supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life.. It'd be one more thing he'd take joy out of in my life, and one more thing he would ruin, and I cant handle the thought of it.. Me even opening up to people and telling them what happened caused alot of my relationships to end, or caused alot of problems in my relationships, including mine and my recent ex's that I'm still having problems getting over because he cheated and was a narcissist.. I just wish I could change what happened, and I thought I made my peace with it, but I haven't and I have all of these emotions flooding back to me..I know my dads family is just trying to reach out, because we didnt know who my dads father was for a while, and now that we know, they want to be a family and involved.. But idk.. And my grandma just wants to pick up where we left off since we left newyork.. I just dont know if I can handle it.. Im even friends with Chris's ex wife because they had a kid together but everytime I see my cousins face, I always see him.. And I feel bad because she always loves talking to me.. She's young, she doesnt know any better, and I feel like I'd ve punishing her if I didnt try to maintain a relationship with her.. On a side note, I am currently 34 weeks along.. And I'm sorry if this is disorganized or jumbled.. But I'm very emotional right now..