**11/01/17 I didn't feel like typing out what happened so here's a convo with my friend lol

So Max is obviously my boyfriend (2 years almost) and Dustin is my ex (almost 4 years). ANYWAY, so today he is clearly texting someone on his phone and I lean over to see who he is talking to and he hides his phone real fast.

So I'm like "who are you talking to???" and he said "I'm not talking to anyone" and I could clearly see message layout from what I actually did see, so I told him "I just seen it!" and I freaked out and started crying and he says "what do you think I'm doing? Talking to some whore?" and I'm just crying and saying "I don't know..." (period is due tomorrow so I lashed out probably lol)

So he starts trying to show me his phone saying "do you want to seriously ruin this surprise? Here look at it!" and I just keep saying no since I kinda think that's what he has planned and I really don't want to ruin it lol. So about a minute or two goes by and I'm still pouting

And he says, "maybe I'm talking to your dad." My dad told him after about a year of us dating that he must ask for his blessing (which is stupid because I don't even like my dad, for many reasons lol) but I was like "what the hell, why would you talk to my dad?" like I barely talk to him???

Then the night goes on and I see his phone unattended so I start making my way over to it being sneaky as hell

when I think to myself...."I don't want to ruin this if this is the real deal" so I back off

Then he comes around the corner and I'm like "If there's something you can't tell me YET, when can you tell me??" and he says "you'll find out this weekend." so I drop it, me assuming he will do it this weekend when this whole week I've been thinking he will do it on our anniversary next month so this was unexpected to be this soon. I also keep track of EVERYTHING we spend money on, even if we spend a dollar, so I've noticed some money been "missing," like a couple hundred dollars at a time

So I tell him "uh, this is the second month that I have unreported money. Where is it?" and he says "I don't know maybe you recorded it wrong or missed a few receipts?" Now I am freaking out, gotta paint my nails, shave my legs, get all girlied up for my *hopeful* big day this weekend!

If he doesn't, then I will be really embarrassed so that's why I'm anonymous lmao. **UPDATE #1. 11/02/17 So my mom lives in another state, about 3-4 hours away, and he asked me if my mom was going to be home this weekend and I was like, "yeah i guess?" and he said "maybe we can go stay there this weekend, or have her come here?" and I was like "Okay, but why do you want to see my mom so badly?"

and he said "i dont know, i figure you might want to see your mom" which is true, I always want to see my mom, she is literally my best friend. He and her are also pretty close, especially since his mom passed away, my mom really took it upon herself to treat him as one of her own and they tell each other they love each other and everything which is so awesome to me because she has always wanted to rip all of my exes heads off and vice versa lol. So I think that maybe he's been talking to my mom too? idk lol. I told him I started my period today (which always makes me upset because I want to be pregnant really bad lol, but that's another topic) and he says "well maybe this weekend wont pan out the way i planned." so I've been worried like DID MY PERIOD SERIOUSLY MESS THIS UP FOR ME?!!

but then again, I think he may know that I'm catching on, so he's trying to make it seem like he's gonna wait, not sure. i don't want to sound crazy by thinking he may propose. We still plan to see my mom this weekend, maybe he will have her record it or something lol. He says that I will know what's been going on, tomorrow. Do I sound stupid for thinking that's what this is? I guess I won't know until tomorrow but ugh. **UPDATE #2 11/03/17 So this is probably not the update that you guys wanted to hear, and it's certainly not the update that I wanted to post. We went out to dinner tonight because it's rainy and didn't want to travel. We get back from the restaurant and I'm pretty confused to say the least lol. I ask him what's been going on with his phone and why he's been acting so sketchy and he said "oh i was just doing that to mess with you" like about everything, the whole dad thing the "something i dont want you to see yet" everything. he said he was "bored" and wanted to keep me occupied. so i told him how i thought he was going to propose and he laughed and said "fuck no" He also comes out to tell me that he doesn't want to get married....ever. he's also been telling me the last few months that we will start trying for a baby in January, as I have been wanting one for quite some time, and we used to be ttc before. turns out he just said that to keep me from talking about it and he never wants children...ever. I need advice, BAD. I want to get married and being a mother is the main thing I want in life. I dont want to hear bullshit about focusing on a career or "me" because I feel like a mother without a child. The career I plan on pursuing has to do with children and it pains me to go through with it right now because I cry when I see a baby in a supermarket lol. I cannot die without having children, i just cant. I want to be with him for the rest of my life, I love him more than anything in this world and he's seriously not a dick, i know it sounds like it from this but this is only the second time he's ever done something ignorant and jerkish. I'm scared that 10 years down the line, he'll change his mind and want those things but it won't be me. Should I stay with him, even though we want different things in life? I feel like I won't be truly happy if I do have those things with someone else, I just want it to be him. Help...idk what to do... I can't stop crying. He's always acted like he's wanted these things, he's the one that talked about it first. Sorry to sound like a moron.

**UPDATE #3 11/04/17. Well.. we've decided to take a break. Think things through. I am going to be thinking about if it's worth staying with him if he doesn't want kids and he's going to be thinking of life without me and consider kids and marriage in the next 5 or so years. I am willing to wait as long as it will happen down the road. So we are just going to take a break that no one but us will know about lol

We'll still be in a relationship on Facebook and everything. Does that sound stupid? We love each other alot and I want to be with him and I know he wants to be with me. Just doing some thinking about what we really want.

I'm okay with that, kinda giving it a test run of life without each other because of this reason. I just hope he changes his mind and we will make the final decision on Thanksgiving i guess. College is free in Tennessee (where my mom lives) so if we do decide to stay together i will go to school probably and he said he would come down for christmas and new years and whenever he can and i will come here when i can.

We are going to my moms today and our "break" will start tomorrow when he leaves i guess

Does that sound crazy? Lol.

**UPDATE #4. 11/05/17 In comments, wont let me update here. ***UPDATE #5 11/13/17 Also in comments lol ****UPDATE#6 in comments 11/22/17