Girls I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been with my partner 2 years, before I met him he had a drinking problem. When we eventually got together it was when he cut down his drinking dramatically, and everything was okay. I moved in with him after 5 days due to my mum kicking me out, it was meant to be temporary but we both loved living together so he asked for it to be permanent. December last year I fell pregnant, and I sadly had a miscarriage in January. When I found out I was pregnant, he started drinking again, he would go to work at 7 in a morning and come back home early hours the following morning hardly able to stand up. I had bleeding from New Year’s Day, till the 15th of January, and he had no idea about it, nobody did, he was never with me and I was too scared to get help by myself fearing the worst. I blame him for loosing our baby, he put me through so much and I had to deal with it all myself. When I eventually got help and got told I was miscarrying he was there, but only because i told people he was going out with and they told him too, not because he wanted to be there. Anyway fast forward to June this year and I again found out I was pregnant and he stopped drinking, and we was so happy. He got a new job with better pay about 5 weeks ago, he works a lot so I see him for half hour in a morning and about half an hour when he comes home as he goes straight to bed. I dread the days he has off because that’s when the drinking happens, he tells me every time he’s going ‘shopping’ always around dinner time, and comes back home about 2.30am as the pubs close at 2. I never see him, he blocks my number when he leaves, and unblocks it to ring me just before he comes home to see how pissed off I am. This baby wasn’t planned but I love him all the world, it was bad timing but he’s my miracle💙 we’re in 2 grand debt on our home, and he’s in court this month to see if they are going to seek possession, even with us having that to deal with, he spends 80% of his wage down at the pub. It’s honestly like he’s paying the pubs rent and forgetting about where we live. I admit when he comes back, sometimes I have been violent towards him, I have slapped him, and once I did throw something at him (can’t remember what) but he provoked me, he calls me horrible names, says he regrets turning girls down on nights out, tells me he doesn’t love me, said me and the baby are a mistake, he put a pillow over my mouth and said he wishes me dead and when I said if I die then what’s going to happen to our son and his reply was ‘good I hope you both do’. Last weekend was the worst it’s been, I was terrified, I didn’t lay a finger on him, he poured a can of coke on me, spat at me, pulled a knife out and said I wish, threatened to throw a glass at me and again said horrible things to me. I know when our baby is here it will change but I can’t cope with another 17 weeks of this, I can’t leave him I’m way to in love with him, that’s why I put up with it. I went on his phone about 2 weeks ago and found that his Instagram was purely him following porn accounts, and his Snapchat was the same, he has sent a video to one of them which was asking for people to masterbate for them and they’ll basically score his penis out of 10. I was disgusted by it, he said he didn’t mean to send the video, it was just a black screen he didn’t mean to record or send it ( which I don’t believe for a second). He unfollowed/deleted it all well he said he has, he’s accepted my follow request on instagram and I’m constantly checking but I don’t know about Snapchat. I’ve just got this gut feeling that he’s seeing someone else, he’s never acted this badly towards me, and he seems to want to spend his time off work at the pub and none of it with me. Today we was meant to be going cinema and he said he didn’t have enough money, but he’s currently out at the pub and has been for the last 9 hours so he clearly has enough money. He’s called the police on me 2 times since being pregnant to make me leave our home, saying I’m hurting myself etc as I have a past of self harm but haven’t done since becoming pregnant, so my midwife knows and said if it carries on social services may get involved, and that was just after the first time and they’ve been again, I don’t want my baby taken off me, I just want a normal life, with a caring boyfriend who wants to spend time with me to get ready for our new arrival😭. I’ll also add I’m 18 and he’s 24. I don’t have any friends or family I can stay with😔

Second time I’ve posted this as didn’t mean to delete the previous one.