I was so excited to get a BFP on my first cycle of trying after our miscarriage.

But the excitement lasted 30 seconds before my anxiety decided I should be terrified instead. I spent more money and peed on more sticks than my husband will ever know about in those first few weeks. And then my HCG quadrupled.

And I was happy for .5 seconds. At 6 weeks, while on our honeymoon, I got horrible left side cramping. I couldn't walk or breathe without crying. And my left shoulder hurt. And I WebMD enough to know what that could mean. So we take a detour in Scotland (free hospital visit, y'all rock) and guess what?? It was constipation pain and I apparently slept wrong on my shoulder.

^representation of my husband at this point. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. (because extra hormones and anxiety disorders go really well together). It's been 8 weeks. I realize I still haven't thrown up. Everything I read says morning sickness is a good sign. I don't even have any symptoms but sore boobs and being a horrible, moody bitch all the time. BACK TO THE DOCTOR. And everything is still fine and I'm just lucky, she says as also telepathically telling the nurse to stop answering my calls at this point (I'm guessing).

^my nurse now everytime she transfers me to my doctor. Woo I've made it to 10 weeks! And I have some weird light brown discharge on a Saturday afternoon once and never see it again. Guess what my husband gets to do now???

lol nope, he's taking me to the hospital. it's just placental implantation. And once again, I'm fine. baby's fine. everyone's fine. go the hell home and relax. But am I calm and cool and enjoying the pregnancy yet??

And because my body decided I haven't freaked out enough, a couple weeks later I'm checking my cervix position and notice it's low and feels open. At this point I'm thankful for reaching my insurance max from and accident (lol I fainted in Wal-Mart) and all this is fo freeee. Because off I go! To the doctor who tells me it's perfect and closed and to keep my fingers out of there.

I make it 3 whole weeks without going to the doctor. My husband is about the give me an award. So I give him one for sticking with me. Oh yeaaaah

BUT THEN THAT NIGHT, I wipe and see a tiny bit of pink. I actually don't panic. That lasts a moment until a few days later I see a spot on my underwear again. Haven't had sex, getting more worried. And then I wipe and there's a tiny amount of red. (this is like my only justified doctor's visit at this point). Doctor calls with test results right before they close and guess who misses the call and is left with their own thoughts all night???

Next morning I'm at work waiting for a call back and have to convince 3rd graders me pacing around the room is completely normal and everything is fine. Phone rings, doctor just wanted to confirm the placenta previa she suspected and tells me baby is perfectly fine.

But then I have to tell my husband it means no more sex or any version of that kind of fun.

And after one more hospital trip for an infection that they couldn't confirm but gave me meds for to get rid of me, I have now made it to 20 weeks, 3 days and can feel my little girl flipping and kicking. I'm grateful for a very patient doctor and a husband who still loves me after all this.

I wrote this for everyone like me. I actually deleted this app for a while because it was causing my anxiety and paranoia to get worse. But for everyone worried about having no symptoms, I didn't and baby girl is fine. For every paranoid mom to be, don't be afraid to go to the doctor even if it's nothing. AND STAY AWAY FROM GOOGLE.