(Posted on Facebook, don't feel like taking names out. Timmy is my boyfriend, TJ is our son.)

It's almost midnight and the days are counting down to when this baby is due. Almost 13 days away now!

I am so excited I got to carry this baby boy for 9 months.

1 1/2 months ago, I had decided on adoption. Timmy and I both had talked about it and thought it was best. We contacted the adoption agency after I had stumbled upon this perfect couple. We ended up telling the agency to not contact the couple yet, because I had on and off emotions about it.

EVERY day, I tried to tell myself and Timmy that we can do this, we can raise this baby. Every day, I knew that that wasn't true, but every day, Timmy supported me.

We were trying. But the closer we kept getting to the due date, the more real it became. We are barely getting by with just one baby, and we want to give this other one a better life that we know we can't give him.

So two days ago, I contacted the agency and asked if that couple was still available. She said yes, she called them today after I had told her that our decision is final. We have been able to talk to the couple all day!

I know this is the right decision. For a month and a half, I tried to picture myself holding this baby.. Raising him, doing fun things with him.. But that's just not what I saw, no matter how badly I wish it was.