I apologize for the long post‼️

So my boyfriend and I started dating a year ago. We first met at a party and we instantly CLICKED. Nothing happened that night because I was in a relationship at the time that was very toxic (verbally mentally abusive every day and he put hands on me TWICE) and he was not happy in his. The next day I knew I had to end the relationship I was in. NOT BECAUSE I MET SOMEONE ELSE, but because I finally decided that I deserved BETTER and it wasn’t worth fighting every night. —- Months later, I received a friend request from the guy I met (my current bf) on snapchat. I accepted and we started talking and I found out that him and his gf broke up awhile ago too.

So we started talking and hit if off right away, I couldnt believe I had so much in common with someone. The downside was he goes to school 3.5 hours away but comes home ALMOST every weekend. We started dating last november and the long distance wasn’t bad for either of us. Then May rolls around and he’s home for the summer and we spent all of the time together that we could while we were not working.

He left in August again for school but still comes home every other weekend and right away I would go there quite a bit during the week UNTIL i started working my new job as a correctional officer in September (i have an odd schedule totaling 14 days a month. 12 hour shifts and every two weeks I switch back to either days or overnights) plus going to school full time online.

I am juggling so much at once right now, with the stress of a new job, i am surrounded by danger every time i walk in to a cell block. I have so much homework every week. And when i get off of work, I am totally exhausted and all i want to do is sleep. — I cannot have my cellphone at work so when the two weeks of nights we barely talk, because when I’m off at 7am I go to sleep and he is just waking up. When he gets off of work at 7, my shift starts at 7. It is better when I work days but still get off at 7pm and go to bed by 9, and we don’t talk.

THE POINT OF MY STORY IS - I feel as if I am not giving him the attention that he deserves. And i am scared that if he isn’t getting that he will look somewhere else for it. We bicker a lot more when we are together in person.

AND i feel terrible but the relationship feels like to much work for me at this point but i DO NOT want to lose him. WHAT I AM ASKING IS, do I break up with him (which is heartbreaking to me also) I want to break up but then I don’t... I HAVE NO IDEA PLEASE HELP ANYONE