TTC with no support. Shall I stop?

I feel very lost. I’m 30 and my SO is 45. I have a son from my first marriage who lives with us every other week and a great part of our life. My SO takes great care of him but surely as mother I’m doing the most “care”. SO was for years scared of kids and apparently that was the reason that he split up with his old gf whith whom he was for 10 years. (After meeting me, he said, she wasn’t the right woman for family and kids).

I’ve started to talk about having a child and it took me a month to break all his fears. Firstly it was the money/life/ etc excuses. After long evening talks and discussions it looked like he agreed with me. And he actually started to ttc but as he wanted “with no pressure”. Like, I don’t want to know when you are ovulating, if it happens -happens. But for two month I haven’t started any baby topics at all, not to bring pressure.

Now we are planning the holidays and I just happened to say as a joke that I don’t want to ski as I wished to be prego by next February. He took it so aggressively. That I have it as an excuse not to ski, that I pressure him and that maybe it will take years to get prego. That I’m crazy for asking for support. It was like a volcano erupting.

I don’t know if I’ve really overreacted but it really hurt me. So maybe I really should just stop it all? I keep thinking that he is not ready and I feel that I’m pushing him. I feel that both sides should be really willing to do it. I’m really lost.