My story from my marriage to my late husband and his mistress

My husband has been gone 3 years but a couple of years before he took sick he was messing with an ex girlfriend of course at the time I didn't know they had never stopped messing around. She was put in my life from the start even before I married him. The man was good on many things but just wasn't the faithful type. His mistress is actually the one who confirmed everything and called everything off after years of being his side woman. She was there at the house for his wake until we put him in the truck to take him to Mexico to lay him to rest. It takes a lot to forgive in truth but I did forgive and I stayed with him until his death. I was with him until his last breath and last heartbeat. We had 13 miscarriages. I didn't understand why god refused me a child with him. But now I understand he wasn't going to be here to raise a child so his children were waiting for him in heaven. Now I only hear from his mistress about every six months she wasn't the only one doing wrong he was too and I have some people who say I was crazy to allow this woman in my life but god doesn't like ugly so I forgave the wrong they did and life went on. Now I just got married in may and with my current husband have had 3 miscarriages. I am 42 and I still have love to give still waiting on one more baby. I have 4 grown kids 3 grandchildren one more due to be here in April I am truly blessed! There are those who say why would I want to start over with another baby easy love taking care of my kids and my current husband has no children just as my late husband had no children. Maybe I'm selfish wanting another child but I know if I'm still getting pregnant god has my child waiting to be born to me and my husband.