For about 3 years starting when I was 6 or 7, I was sexually abused by my older brother. When I was old enough and strong enough to fight back, the abuse stopped, but the taunts and sexual comments continued for several more years. It had a very damaging effect on me and for most of my life I’ve been ashamed and afraid to tell anyone. It caused some severe anxiety in certain intimate situations with my husband, I struggled at a very young age with depression and anxiety, and made some very poor dating decisions and put myself in risky situations.

I had told my husband about the abuse but my parents had no idea I had ever been sexually abused, let alone by my brother. We knew we wanted to set boundaries with my brother once we have our baby, and that we would have to explain to my parents before the baby comes so they would understand why we had set those boundaries.

Today we finally sat down with my parents and I told them what happened. I was so moved by how kind and understanding they were. I was so afraid of hurting them or ruining their relationship with myself or my brother. But they were so loving and told me it wasn’t my fault and that they were sorry I never felt like I could tell them. They immediately suggested setting boundaries with my brother and were very supportive of us protecting our baby. I have been dreading this day for so long but now that they know I feel so much peace.

I wanted to share this for anyone who is feeling afraid of naming their abuser or ashamed of what was done to them. It’s not your fault. Never let anyone tell you that it is. Don’t be intimidated into silence. Don’t allow that person to taunt you or belittle you or make you feel ashamed for what THEY did. Telling someone is so terrifying but so freeing. Don’t let the person who hurt you and diminished your value keep you in a cage. You are strong, you are loved, and you are worth far more than they think you are.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement. ❤️

At this time we don’t plan on discussing it with him, and my parents are respecting our desire not to confront him. We would like to wait until after the baby is born. One difficult conversation is enough for now. However, my parents did mention that his therapist when he was in high school asked them if they knew of any abuse toward me by my brother and encouraged them to talk to me, as he had mentioned carrying some guilt about something he did to me. I guess they asked me if I had ever been touched inappropriately by anyone but I must have been too afraid to talk to them. He has never spoken to me about the abuse or apologized. I would like him to someday.

We think my brother was sexually abused by an elderly neighbor in his late teens, but it wasn’t until long after I was abused by then. I believe he was exposed to some very sexual videos or imagery (or something along those lines) by a neighborhood friend around the time that he began to make sexual advances toward me.