I'm so lost.

Guys i dont know what to say or what to do my life has changed completely in the past 4 months. I'll try to make this short and simple.

I was with my high school sweetheart for 3 years. We had our entire life planned out together. we were ready to get married. engaged this winter and had everything planned with our families on board and excited for us... after this summer I realized it wasn't what I wanted in life. I had no trust in him after he cheated a few times in the past. so I ended things about 3 months ago.

I quickly found a new crush and we dated a few weeks later.

I was still adjusting to being single and not knowing what my future looked like at all                                                 then about 2 weeks later I got the biggest world changer. my cousin who was more of a big brother to me took his own life. I don't have alot of family in my life and we were very close. I saw things I shouldn't see and the pain of loosing a loved one to suicide is the worst pain imaginable.

My crush was gone and my friends didn't know what to say to me. I lost myself with feeling alone and no one to turn to. It's been 2 Months since the passing. These two months I've never been so unsure of who I am! I have no feelings what so ever and everyday is a task to do. I've been enjoying drinking with my friends alot more to distract my mind. I do anything to distract myself. I started talking to people on line. People that didn't know anything about me and to distract me I ended up sleeping with a few.

My world is so different. I'm so lost in myself. This isn't me at all but I don't know who I am anymore. Can anyone relate just a little bit? In any way?